Every hipster in Paris these days looks like an escapee from the Heaven’s Gate compound. If you’re wondering what that looks like, a quick Pinterest search will allow you to shop the Heaven’s Gate look, and if you’re a sneaker collector, you can, reportedly, get the original Nike Decades favored by the cult for $6,600.

Cults fascinate, not least when some part of their ideology resonates. The meaning behind the Heaven’s Gate “look”: they wore monochrome, unisex, utilitarian clothing as an intentional rejection of the body; an assertion that their physical forms were mere “vessels” and a distraction to be ignored while they waited to ascend to what the cult’s leaders termed “the Next Level.” 

Given the way that played out for them (mass ritual suicide) and given the Early Majority embrace of a pretty unisex, utilitarian style our ownselves, we pause here to clarify: We want you to live! But we’re not about to disown that intriguing cult vibe just because it takes us down some deep and dark alleys of the cultural anthropology persuasion. (If it gets too dicey, we can always re-read Modernity at Large before bed). 

Imagine how fun it would be to dress in Templar-esque robes while visiting their original fortifications (across the street from Broken Arm), the place on Île de la Cité where Jacques de Molay was burned at the stake and cursed King and Church, or even the 14th century home of Nicolas Flamel, who reportedly received the secrets that led to the Philosopher’s Stone from the Templars. 

Even though some people do actually dress like Templars to visit these sites today, we recommend that you wear our Insulation Shirt instead.  It’s perfect for connecting with cult vibes without embracing these cults’ demise. In it, you’re free to value the spiritual over the temporal, retreat to nature, find solace in solidarity, and embrace that most seductive of cult values: the elimination of choice. 

Cults’ uniform dressing appeals to us precisely because eliminating choice delivers proven happiness. A perfect staple for uniform dressing, the Insulation Shirt goes with everything, over or under almost anything, and it looks great when everyone around you wears it, too. You don’t ever have to think about it; just do it. 

Now, send us all your money.