Le Guide Cadeaux: Paris Edition

December 12, 2023

7/13 8:27:39 UTC

For this year’s Christmas guide, we’re staying in Paris because every kind of person you have in your life also exists here, only more relaxed and radical, and — in the summer — more tanned. So help the people in your life be the best versions of themselves by gifting their inner Parisian.  

The Parisienne

The image of the French woman has become one of the country’s leading exports, but the stereotype of the [probably white, wealthy] heterosexual with effortless style, a love for cafés and culture, and a bit of aloofness has never been more dated. Paris is one of the most multicultural cities in Europe. And yet, remarkably, as the “Parisienne” becomes more colorful and more contested, she only becomes more capable of making the lush coziness of fleece look extravagant. Give her our version of a Chanel jacket: the Fleece 1.0.

The Radical Communist

Being anti-capitalist doesn’t mean being anti-swag. Indeed, a central premise of our practice here at Early Majority is that the soulless capitalist machine has produced a towering edifice of anti-swag – an unstable, unsustainable structure built atop a pit of illusory need that leaves you feeling empty inside. That means your Communist might be resistant to new garments. Instead, for the committed radical in your life, we recommend a Silent Pocket. Give them the gift of blissful respite from surveillance under the all-seeing eye of Big Tech. 

A collage of a woman sitting at a cafe smoking a cigarette and a man in a long quilted jacket

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The Smoker

New York’s hipster cigarette brands have yet to arrive, but that’s not stopping this from being the smokingest city west of the old Iron Curtain. Lately, however, great gusts of cold wind have swept the Parisian patios, historically heated through the winter. Since the war in Ukraine, fuel conservation measures have outlawed outdoor heating, leaving many shivering over their drinks. Give them a Puffer, which they can wear full-length for après le dîner or après-ski. 

L’Homme d’Affaires

It only took two years for the world’s ten wealthiest men to double their collective wealth from $700 billion to $1.5 trillion, and almost everyone hates them now. If you thought billionaires were cool before, you probably don’t anymore, and guess what? The French never did. Business has always been considered somewhat distasteful here. But if there’s one on your list, give your homme d’affaires a thEM x Black Lodges badge. Maybe they’ll get inspired to donate their wealth to anticapitalist causes!

The Intellectual

Once disdained by radical students, the dumbing down of humanity over the last several decades requires a reappraisal of Paris' rich history of literature & philosophy. Thinkers from Rousseau to Fourrier, from de Beauvoir to Barthes, have never been more relevant. Give the philosophe in your life a Cape for long, thoughtful walks in the rain after reading Baudelaire. They can also use it for ground cover in the summer, upon which to lie in the park with the latest from Nicolas Mathieu or Leila Slimane.

The Artist

While a few remain in Montmartre, most have decamped to Montreiul and Pantin. Thanks to generous government funding during the pandemic, which continues today, they’re thriving. Whether creating brutalist soundscapes or sculptures from mycelium, their light-filled ateliers are draftier than ever, for which they require the Fleece 2.0 in bohemian black.

A collage of a man talking to a server at a restaurant, a person building a culture, and a woman in a bronze colored fleece jacket
The Gastronome

While they would probably never admit to hanging on David Leibowitz’s every word, they believe the National Assembly should protect gastronomy as a cornerstone of French culture. They book neither Septime nor le Servan 21 days to the minute in advance because they KNOW PEOPLE. Give them Fleece 2.0 in Bronze with side zips for a looser after-dinner fit.

The Nature Competitor

Le jogging has taken off here with a more romantic, meditative twist. On steely cold days before the body heat kicks in, an outer layer like the Windbreaker 2.0 in Ice will work wonders, and it can be stashed in its pocket and looped on a wrist or stashed in a Bum Bag midway up the stairs at Sacre Coeur. Go all the way and give them our Jeremy Dean technical tank to wear underneath it all at their next UTMB.

The Expatriate

The days when Paris was home to intellectuals like Gertrude Stein, James Baldwin, and Ernest Hemingway are long gone, but their spirit lives on within those fleeing the garbage fire of another Trump administration. While the English speakers of Paris may seem more welcoming than ever, many worry about the ascendency of a new “technofeudalism” fueling financial growth in the US and China at the expense of an impoverished Europe. Give them the Anorak, which packs light and quick in its pocket, should anti-émigré sentiment surge.

A collage of a man in light winter jacket, a close-up of a man in a red beanie cap, and an old couple walking arm in arm down the street

Image Source: @tokaris

The Older Couple

Walking everywhere, eating well, and being surrounded by immortal cultural patrimony means that Paris is home to many incredibly stylish old people. With a well-worn wardrobe full of proven style classics, this pair might not need much, but a functional item that won’t take up much space is always welcome. We suggest his and hers Beanies in red Merino wool.

The Rap God

Despite the stereotypical French resistance to importing cultural movements from other shores, Paris has had time to embrace hip-hop, even dedicating a cultural center to its pursuit as a serious art form (La Place). For those who know where to look (and listen), Paris is home to a thriving hip-hop scene encompassing global influences from hyperpop to drill and beyond. A classic style in black organic denim with interior pockets, superior arm mobility, and reflective strips for both club situations and cycling visibility, we recommend the Trucker a few sizes larger than your god would normally wear.

A collage of a group of student protestors in Paris and a woman in a black bomber jacket

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The Student Protester

In 1968, Paris was rocked by fierce student protests whose impact continues today. Sparked by resistance to outdated university rules, the protests fanned the leftist flames of anticapitalist sentiment among young intellectuals. They fueled a populist, idealistic furnace powerful enough to transform French culture and put the Establishment on notice. For that young revolutionary in your life, the Bomber provides that perfect note of seriousness, abrasion resistance, and warmth, no matter where they’re brick-throwing. It also contains an inner pocket for the anti-surveillance Silent Pocket. Top it off with our 1733 bag, which has both laptop and hidden bottle storage for Molotov cocktails.

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